Ask Haz: Are we JUST FRIENDS or is he JUST Playing GAMES?! | by @Haztv

 

Hey Haz,

I have a guy that wants to play the friend game but not by the rules, meaning he can go fishing but I can’t. How do I let a man know that once he says “we’re just friends” not to expect me to act like his girlfriend?

 

Ok since this is a follow up to a question that I’ve already answered I’m gonna save all the fake deep stuff and get straight to the point. When it comes to dealing with the opposite sex it’s always best to know what you want going in the door. Now it sounds to me like you would’ve been good with being his girlfriend had he said that but instead YOU let HIM set the tone of the relationship virtually allowing him to pick the rules. The reason he doesn’t want you “fishing” the way he does is because of what I told you before, men don’t like to share their pussy. You agreed to be just the “friend” but you didn’t come up with the idea. You probably were being faithful in the beginning and your relationship hit it’s “glass ceiling” so to speak and he came up with the friend line. Hopefully not after you applied pressure on him asking what your status was. Realize that if you only want to fish because he is and wouldn’t if he didn’t then ya ass is outta pocket. It’s all tit for tat till a bitch get slapped. If you want a relationship find you a nigga that wants a relationship. Stop settling for a piece of a man. Now if you really just want to be friends then like I said in the previous response tell that nigga to take the cuffs off. It doesn’t matter what he expects, he is a friend he has no say. If he can’t accept what a friend truly is then you have no option other than to charge him to the game or. Now stop asking me about this shit lol.

 

– @Haztv

@Haztv is the Co-host of Chunky Chickz Radio and an up and coming writer and social commentatorwith frequent blog contributions to #SoPhi & he will now be giving sound advice to the readers ofChunky Chickz World.
Hit him up at helpmehaz@gmail.com if you have a problem that you need help solving!  
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Ask Haz: She Slept With Another Man After We Broke Up… Should I Take Her Back??? by @Haztv

Hey Haz,

I was with my female for 3 yrs. We broke up for 3months and I was trying to get back with her during that time but she Fucked another dude. We are in counseling and she’s very remorseful but I don’t view her the same. If you were in my shoes would you have taken her back? Should I still Marry her? Hylat cha boy!

Damn. Being a man I immediately feel the urge to say hell no but being an intellectual being I realize that this situation is much more complex than our emotions are suited for dealing with alone. Let’s analyze the situation real quick. On one hand you love her. You mention marriage so it’s obvious that you care for her on a serious level and you told me why you guys broke up (I won’t go into all of those details here)  so it wasn’t like it was your choice to begin with. She left you because things obviously weren’t going right for you guys and after some time she realized that you are the one she wants. On the other hand during that break she gave your pussy away. Now some would argue that you guys weren’t together when it happened so technically she didn’t “cheat” or do anything “wrong.” That’s hoe logic. The underlying issue here is really the double standard men have with being able to cheat and expecting forgiveness but their inability to reciprocate if the shoe is on the other foot. In the words of Gemma from Sons Of Anarchy “Men like to own their pussy.” Just the thought of another man penetrating “their” Queen is enough to turn most men cold forever as far as she is concerned. But let the same man slip up and fall in some pussy he will feel like he can just wash it off and everything will be ok. I can’t explain why we feel this way but I can be honest enough to admit that the logic is flawed. Now I can’t tell you if you should take her back based off of that because that is honestly a decision that YOU have to live with. If you can swallow your pride and accept her for who she is and not what she does then by all means I wish you the best of luck.

The reason I say you might want to reconsider is because of the additional information you provided in a separate email. You told me that you “wanted more sex” and it was one of the many topics you guys would argue about. I recently heard a quote that said “In marriage, if the sex is good it’s only consumes about 10% of the relationship. But if the sex is bad it becomes 90% of the relationship.” In other words if the sex is good then you guys can focus on everything else in the relationship but if it’s not that will be the main issue receiving all of the attention.If you guys were having issues with sex to the point that it caused you to fight about it instead of discuss it then that’s a red flag. One of the biggest problems couples have when it comes to sex is the lack of basic communication. Everybody expects everybody to “just know” how to please them but fail to realize that everybody is different. People ask the favorite position question and maybe the number of partners they had and just start fucking like they have a clue what the other person likes and dislikes. If you guys have never sat down and willfully had the uncomfortable conversations that are necessary in a bf/gf relationship then you have no reason to even be thinking about marriage. A relationship isn’t measured by the number of months or years that pass but by the amount of work the two people involved put into it. I say all of that to say this. If you guys didn’t have a healthy sexual relationship and she ended up leaving you and rejecting your attempts to come back then something tells me that she wasn’t completely satisfied (sexually or otherwise) and wanted to explore her options. She ended up meeting someone and felt the need to take it there. I can’t speak for her state of mind because I wasn’t the nigga that she gave the guts to. I can say that she regretted it afterwards and decided that she wanted to make things work.

It sounds like she is running from one problem to the next. Just because she came back that doesn’t mean that the source of your original issues are resolved. She came clean and told you what happened which shows her intentions are pure as far as her wanting to be open with you and try and move on together but I think it might be to little too late. She should have been open and honest from the gate. If she needed space and wanted to test the waters one last time to be sure then she should have just been honest and said that. By just doing it and THEN realizing that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side she has effectively tarnished the integrity of your relationship. She basically left you, shitted on your attempts to come back, fucked a nigga whose dick might have just been wack and decided to come back. What if she happened to sleep with a nigga that blew her back out? In the end I can’t tell you to stay and work it out or charge her to the game but I can provide you with a few questions you need to ask yourself. First is can you say without a doubt in your mind that you are knocking the lining out of her crabby patty? Is she sexually satisfied with you and can you fulfill all of her fantasies? Can you accept her for who she is and not view her differently because of what she did? If you answer no to any of these questions or can’t provide an immediate yes then you have some work to do. I wish you the best of luck my brother. Keep me updated

– @Haztv

@Haztv is the Co-host of Chunky Chickz Radio and an up and coming writer and social commentator with frequent blog contributions to #SoPhi & he will now be giving sound advice to the readers ofChunky Chickz World.
Hit him up at helpmehaz@gmail.com if you have a problem that you need help solving!  

Ask Haz: Do Long Distance Relationships Work? by @Haztv

Hey Haz,

Is there any hope for a long distance relationship and if so how do u keep a long distance relationship active and interesting?

Well as the cliche saying goes “where there’s a will there’s a way.” Long distance relationships are definitely possible but they have a bad reputation because it truly takes two individuals that are focused and dedicated to make them work.  We live in an instant gratification nation filled with people who have a microwave mindset but expect some oven loven. Everyone has been told that they are “special” and they deserve everything they desire so we are surrounded by an environment of entitlement. We all grew up watching movies where a loving committed relationship was achieved in an hr and a half, they went on to live happily ever after and just looks so easy to obtain and maintain. In reality however that’s nowhere near the case. The philosopher Zo Williams says that relationships are like mirrors and whatever you are lacking in yourself, you will end up lacking in that relationship as well as whatever you put into the relationship is what you will see in return. Each relationship should be viewed as an opportunity to learn about yourself through the other person. Most people mistake the purpose of a relationship as being for gratification when they are really for education. I say all of that to say this. Back in the day people wrote love letters and had to wait days for a response from their significant other. There were no cell phones and until you were married there was no spending great deals of time together. There were fewer distractions which allowed the people to remain focused on each other. Focused on the finish line. Being the instant gratification nation that we are most people want instant results with minimal effort. If you not showing what they wanna see they simply change the channel. They expect you to trust them before you can give them a reason to trust you. They expect your undivided attention from the gate and expect you to comform to their likes and dislikes without easily conforming to yours. Most people don’t have the tools it takes to make an in-person relationship last so there is really no hope for a long distance one. Distance in a relationship is like money to a person. It doesn’t necessarily “change” anything but it will definitely magnify the good and the bad in them. If there is insecurity in your relationship then add distance and it will become that much more of a problem. If you guys lack communication or if it’s just based on lust then the addition of distance will just magnify and amplify those issues. At the same time if two people really care about each other and are able to put their pettiness aside to work together for the greater goal, then that bond will be that much stronger because of the circumstances the distance made them endure together.

Now a few tips to making it work. First of all these days are the best time for a person to ever be in a long distance relationship due to the advances in technology. The main issue with a long distance relationship is the lack of physical presence with one another which allows for a physical connection to develop. The distance subtracts the whole physical aspect of the relationship and gives the opportunity for growth in the mental, emotional and spiritual areas. Most people (being in this instant gratification nation) are so focused on the physical aspect however because that is the easiest of the areas to receive gratification from and they simply throw in the towel because of the lack of “fulfillment.” Those same people ironically have been in relationships with people that they saw everyday and still lacked “fulfillment.” My first tip would be to take advantage of this deficit in one area as an opportunity to strengthen your bond in the others. Distance allows you the opportunity to truly connect with that person on an intellectual level and get to know who they are. As simple as it sounds you guys have nothing but time to just talk. Do it. Don’t just get caught up in the casual cycle that most relationship reside in but really express your dreams, desires, fears and everything in between to really learn the person and allow them the opportunity to learn you as well. You have to be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable if you expect the same from them. There are a million forms of communication out there so take advantage of them all. Skype each other so you can get some sort of visual stimulation and send pics WEEKLY lol. Another thing you can do as a couple is set long term goals. It will give you guys something to work on together and allow you to look ahead at the promise of the future instead of just focusing on the frustration of the present. Learn to treat it like a regular relationship where you just don’t touch each other everyday lol. If you’d bring your lady flowers home after work one day just to show her you care then send her some flowers randomly. If you texting your man and he sitting around the house all day looking stupid order the nigga a pizza and pay for it online as a suprise. Keep things interesting by remaining interested. Obviously you’d want to travel to see each other as much as possible but learn to enjoy the time apart if you can. If you are the type of person that needs to be up under your him or her all day and night then chances are a long distance relationship isn’t for you. Those types of people usually suffer from issues of abandonment and loneliness and chances are they are seeking someone to fill that void. As I said before don’t view your relationship in the scope of what your partner can do for you of what do they have that you need, but rather what can you learn from each other. If two people are able to open up and be honest with themselves so they can be honest with each other then a long distance relationship can go on to be a truly beautiful experience.

@Haztv is the Co-host of Chunky Chickz Radio and an up and coming writer and social commentator with frequent blog contributions to #SoPhi & he will now be giving sound advice to the readers ofChunky Chickz World.
Hit him up at helpmehaz@gmail.com if you have a problem that you need help solving!  

ASK HAZ: I’M IN THE “FRIEND ZONE” HELP! BY @Haztv

 

Hey Haz,

 

Why do men play the friend game with us, they do what or who they want but expect us to act like their girlfriend?

 

Because you let us. I been drinkin that brown bitch so I’ma be blunt. A man’s gone be a man. That mean’s he’s gonna want to run the streets the way men do and come home to HIS woman. A man will understand that he has to share these hoes but will never want to share HIS woman. That means he’s gonna want you to himself but still be susceptible  to sampling some shone on the side. That’s what men do. It’s up to you as a woman to focus his attention and energy to help him elevate to his full potential. Now in your case you may have a problem boo. If the right woman comes around a nigga with any worth will claim her even if he has to get his life right  just to do so. Now if yall just wanna fuck and not claim each other then that should be clear. If he don’t know what a “friend” is then you need to educate him on the rules of the game and proceed to do ya thang. However if you want more than just a friend and are trying to do right but just ain’t getting the title then chances are ya pussy might be the problem. It’s probably good but it ain’t great.You the shit but you ain’t it. Ya coochie might just be convenient.  If that’s the case then you need to hit me up at WhoHazAHeart@gmail.com for some 1 on 1 Confidence Coaching to help you elevate ya game to where it need to be. In the end if you make it too easy for a man he will almost always take you for granted and no woman likes driving home late at night with a soggy sac.

@Haztv is the Co-host of Chunky Chickz Radio and an up and coming writer and social commentator with frequent blog contributions to #SoPhi & he will now be giving sound advice to the readers ofChunky Chickz World.
Hit him up at helpmehaz@gmail.com if you have a problem that you need help solving!  

ASK HAZ: I’M ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE WHO IS IN A RELATIONSHIP BY @Haztv

 

Hey Haz,

 

Ever been in love with a lesbian that ain’t know she was a lesbian?! That was me a year ago in Afghanistan she’s sexy but loves masculine things smh here’s the question that was a tangent, why are people attracted to people in relationships?! Seriously I’m feeling a broad that has a worthless nigga. I’m like two steps from fucking her brains out and giving her a taste of good dick and the good life. What’s a nigga to do?!

Thank God & Stay Humble

 

Aight nigga damn lol…. First things first, no I have never been in love with a lesbian that ain’t know she liked catfish.  Leave her alone she sounds like trouble. Now to answer your second and real question…. Why do people find themselves attracted to people in relationships? Its a few different reasons and ways I can answer this the first is the most obvious. People in relationships “tend” to “have their shit together” for the most part because if they weren’t on point to some degree nobody would want them. If she has a man willing to claim her as his own then chances are she is doing something right or has some qualities about her that warrant that type of treatment. Also we as humans naturally want the shit we can’t have so just knowing that a woman “belongs” to someone else will add to that level of intrigue and excitement about her. It becomes more of a challenge and as men we love the challenge . The real question is how do you know her nigga is worthless? Has she been telling you all of his flaws and painting the picture that he ain’t shit? If so then don’t be so quick to fall for that trap. A woman in a un- fulfilling relationship isn’t always looking to cheat. She is just looking for that fulfillment that she lacks. If he is knocking the lining out of her crabby patty and just not there for her emotionally and supporting her the way she feels she deserves then no matter what you say or do ur chances of hitting are slim. Women have a tendency to seek the masculine attention they desire from an outside source to fulfill their needs, but won’t fuck that man because to them that would be considered cheating. To me if she telling you all his dirt but still going home to him you gotta brace yaself for the possibility that you’re in the friend zone. You might be the nigga she can vent to, get a lil positive reassurance that she is attractive, still got it and can still get it and be the boost she needs to go back and deal with her ain’t shit nigga. Just remember for all the bad she tells you there is obviously something good she ain’t telling you that’s making her stay. My advice would be don’t invest too much time in her until you start to see a return on your initial investment. Let her know that she has an option in you but that you also have options and ain’t waiting around for her to leave him. Don’t throw salt on buddy no matter what you do, if she brings him up negatively try to shift the convo from him to yall… Instead of focusing on the bad he does try to get her to focus on the good you can do. Make it clear what you can bring to the table that she isn’t already getting and leave it up to her to make the right decision. Also you said you close to giving her the dick and giving her a taste of the “good life” nigga you better not be wearing no cape tryin to save a damsel in distress lol… Lemme know if you got any other questions and keep me updated on ya progress!

 

@Haztv

 

@Haztv is the Co-host of Chunky Chickz Radio and an up and coming writer and social commentator with frequent blog contributions to #SoPhi & he will now be giving sound advice to the readers ofChunky Chickz World.
Hit him up at helpmehaz@gmail.com if you have a problem that you need help solving!