Ask Haz: She Slept With Another Man After We Broke Up… Should I Take Her Back??? by @Haztv

Hey Haz,

I was with my female for 3 yrs. We broke up for 3months and I was trying to get back with her during that time but she Fucked another dude. We are in counseling and she’s very remorseful but I don’t view her the same. If you were in my shoes would you have taken her back? Should I still Marry her? Hylat cha boy!

Damn. Being a man I immediately feel the urge to say hell no but being an intellectual being I realize that this situation is much more complex than our emotions are suited for dealing with alone. Let’s analyze the situation real quick. On one hand you love her. You mention marriage so it’s obvious that you care for her on a serious level and you told me why you guys broke up (I won’t go into all of those details here)  so it wasn’t like it was your choice to begin with. She left you because things obviously weren’t going right for you guys and after some time she realized that you are the one she wants. On the other hand during that break she gave your pussy away. Now some would argue that you guys weren’t together when it happened so technically she didn’t “cheat” or do anything “wrong.” That’s hoe logic. The underlying issue here is really the double standard men have with being able to cheat and expecting forgiveness but their inability to reciprocate if the shoe is on the other foot. In the words of Gemma from Sons Of Anarchy “Men like to own their pussy.” Just the thought of another man penetrating “their” Queen is enough to turn most men cold forever as far as she is concerned. But let the same man slip up and fall in some pussy he will feel like he can just wash it off and everything will be ok. I can’t explain why we feel this way but I can be honest enough to admit that the logic is flawed. Now I can’t tell you if you should take her back based off of that because that is honestly a decision that YOU have to live with. If you can swallow your pride and accept her for who she is and not what she does then by all means I wish you the best of luck.

The reason I say you might want to reconsider is because of the additional information you provided in a separate email. You told me that you “wanted more sex” and it was one of the many topics you guys would argue about. I recently heard a quote that said “In marriage, if the sex is good it’s only consumes about 10% of the relationship. But if the sex is bad it becomes 90% of the relationship.” In other words if the sex is good then you guys can focus on everything else in the relationship but if it’s not that will be the main issue receiving all of the attention.If you guys were having issues with sex to the point that it caused you to fight about it instead of discuss it then that’s a red flag. One of the biggest problems couples have when it comes to sex is the lack of basic communication. Everybody expects everybody to “just know” how to please them but fail to realize that everybody is different. People ask the favorite position question and maybe the number of partners they had and just start fucking like they have a clue what the other person likes and dislikes. If you guys have never sat down and willfully had the uncomfortable conversations that are necessary in a bf/gf relationship then you have no reason to even be thinking about marriage. A relationship isn’t measured by the number of months or years that pass but by the amount of work the two people involved put into it. I say all of that to say this. If you guys didn’t have a healthy sexual relationship and she ended up leaving you and rejecting your attempts to come back then something tells me that she wasn’t completely satisfied (sexually or otherwise) and wanted to explore her options. She ended up meeting someone and felt the need to take it there. I can’t speak for her state of mind because I wasn’t the nigga that she gave the guts to. I can say that she regretted it afterwards and decided that she wanted to make things work.

It sounds like she is running from one problem to the next. Just because she came back that doesn’t mean that the source of your original issues are resolved. She came clean and told you what happened which shows her intentions are pure as far as her wanting to be open with you and try and move on together but I think it might be to little too late. She should have been open and honest from the gate. If she needed space and wanted to test the waters one last time to be sure then she should have just been honest and said that. By just doing it and THEN realizing that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side she has effectively tarnished the integrity of your relationship. She basically left you, shitted on your attempts to come back, fucked a nigga whose dick might have just been wack and decided to come back. What if she happened to sleep with a nigga that blew her back out? In the end I can’t tell you to stay and work it out or charge her to the game but I can provide you with a few questions you need to ask yourself. First is can you say without a doubt in your mind that you are knocking the lining out of her crabby patty? Is she sexually satisfied with you and can you fulfill all of her fantasies? Can you accept her for who she is and not view her differently because of what she did? If you answer no to any of these questions or can’t provide an immediate yes then you have some work to do. I wish you the best of luck my brother. Keep me updated

– @Haztv

@Haztv is the Co-host of Chunky Chickz Radio and an up and coming writer and social commentator with frequent blog contributions to #SoPhi & he will now be giving sound advice to the readers ofChunky Chickz World.
Hit him up at helpmehaz@gmail.com if you have a problem that you need help solving!  
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