Ask Haz: Do Long Distance Relationships Work? by @Haztv

Hey Haz,

Is there any hope for a long distance relationship and if so how do u keep a long distance relationship active and interesting?

Well as the cliche saying goes “where there’s a will there’s a way.” Long distance relationships are definitely possible but they have a bad reputation because it truly takes two individuals that are focused and dedicated to make them work.  We live in an instant gratification nation filled with people who have a microwave mindset but expect some oven loven. Everyone has been told that they are “special” and they deserve everything they desire so we are surrounded by an environment of entitlement. We all grew up watching movies where a loving committed relationship was achieved in an hr and a half, they went on to live happily ever after and just looks so easy to obtain and maintain. In reality however that’s nowhere near the case. The philosopher Zo Williams says that relationships are like mirrors and whatever you are lacking in yourself, you will end up lacking in that relationship as well as whatever you put into the relationship is what you will see in return. Each relationship should be viewed as an opportunity to learn about yourself through the other person. Most people mistake the purpose of a relationship as being for gratification when they are really for education. I say all of that to say this. Back in the day people wrote love letters and had to wait days for a response from their significant other. There were no cell phones and until you were married there was no spending great deals of time together. There were fewer distractions which allowed the people to remain focused on each other. Focused on the finish line. Being the instant gratification nation that we are most people want instant results with minimal effort. If you not showing what they wanna see they simply change the channel. They expect you to trust them before you can give them a reason to trust you. They expect your undivided attention from the gate and expect you to comform to their likes and dislikes without easily conforming to yours. Most people don’t have the tools it takes to make an in-person relationship last so there is really no hope for a long distance one. Distance in a relationship is like money to a person. It doesn’t necessarily “change” anything but it will definitely magnify the good and the bad in them. If there is insecurity in your relationship then add distance and it will become that much more of a problem. If you guys lack communication or if it’s just based on lust then the addition of distance will just magnify and amplify those issues. At the same time if two people really care about each other and are able to put their pettiness aside to work together for the greater goal, then that bond will be that much stronger because of the circumstances the distance made them endure together.

Now a few tips to making it work. First of all these days are the best time for a person to ever be in a long distance relationship due to the advances in technology. The main issue with a long distance relationship is the lack of physical presence with one another which allows for a physical connection to develop. The distance subtracts the whole physical aspect of the relationship and gives the opportunity for growth in the mental, emotional and spiritual areas. Most people (being in this instant gratification nation) are so focused on the physical aspect however because that is the easiest of the areas to receive gratification from and they simply throw in the towel because of the lack of “fulfillment.” Those same people ironically have been in relationships with people that they saw everyday and still lacked “fulfillment.” My first tip would be to take advantage of this deficit in one area as an opportunity to strengthen your bond in the others. Distance allows you the opportunity to truly connect with that person on an intellectual level and get to know who they are. As simple as it sounds you guys have nothing but time to just talk. Do it. Don’t just get caught up in the casual cycle that most relationship reside in but really express your dreams, desires, fears and everything in between to really learn the person and allow them the opportunity to learn you as well. You have to be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable if you expect the same from them. There are a million forms of communication out there so take advantage of them all. Skype each other so you can get some sort of visual stimulation and send pics WEEKLY lol. Another thing you can do as a couple is set long term goals. It will give you guys something to work on together and allow you to look ahead at the promise of the future instead of just focusing on the frustration of the present. Learn to treat it like a regular relationship where you just don’t touch each other everyday lol. If you’d bring your lady flowers home after work one day just to show her you care then send her some flowers randomly. If you texting your man and he sitting around the house all day looking stupid order the nigga a pizza and pay for it online as a suprise. Keep things interesting by remaining interested. Obviously you’d want to travel to see each other as much as possible but learn to enjoy the time apart if you can. If you are the type of person that needs to be up under your him or her all day and night then chances are a long distance relationship isn’t for you. Those types of people usually suffer from issues of abandonment and loneliness and chances are they are seeking someone to fill that void. As I said before don’t view your relationship in the scope of what your partner can do for you of what do they have that you need, but rather what can you learn from each other. If two people are able to open up and be honest with themselves so they can be honest with each other then a long distance relationship can go on to be a truly beautiful experience.

@Haztv is the Co-host of Chunky Chickz Radio and an up and coming writer and social commentator with frequent blog contributions to #SoPhi & he will now be giving sound advice to the readers ofChunky Chickz World.
Hit him up at helpmehaz@gmail.com if you have a problem that you need help solving!  
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